an urgent plea: get me to hogwarts

So I’ve waited all of five days to post about Harry Potter, and I think I’ve done quite well. As a few of you may know (hi mum), I’m a bit of a HP fan. I am, in fact, the proud owner of three wands, a cloak (Slytherin – haters gonna hate), and a small collection of tattoos – tokens of my appreciation for the boy who lived…

There are about 83628 reasons that I love Harry Potter, and though I know you’re dying to hear them all, I simply don’t have the time to list them (alas, earwax). However, I do have the time to talk about the live-action role-playing game which is kicking off in Poland in April, where Muggles from across the globe will be free to practice witchcraft, play Quidditch and (in my dreams) live happily ever after in their rightful home.

The closest I’ve ever gotten to Hogwarts in my miserable (not really) Muggle existence was on my gap year. Most 18-year-olds take a gap year as a break from education; a time to go exploring in the wilds of the Amazon and ‘finding themselves’ (load of bollocks) in obscure Asian countries. A gap year, however, was for me an opportunity to head to my spiritual home…

You might remember that I took a trip to Florida at the age of 12, and I’d like to take this opportunity to assure you all that I did not head back for round two of Shamu’s shenanigans in the splash zone. No, Orlando called me back by opening The Wizarding World of Harry Potter.

For anyone who hasn’t marveled at the (unofficial) eighth wonder of the world, The Wizarding World of Harry Potter can be found at Universal Studios: Islands of Adventure. Having waited for what felt like 164 years, I set off to meet my destiny in June of 2011, armed with a satchel full of dollar dollar bills from a year of working in retail (ew). For the occasion I thought it would be appropriate to dye my hair a very trendy shade of yellow, not dissimilar to that of a highlighter, so you can imagine how much swag I was packing.

Unsurprisingly, The Wizarding World of Harry Potter was everything I had dreamed of and more. I spent two blissful weeks gallivanting around Hogwarts, riding and re-riding ‘The Flight of the Hippogriff’ – which FYI is 100% not just for children aged 10 and under – and filling up on tasty scran at The Three Broomsticks.

A wise person once told me that a picture tells a thousand stories, and that is most definitely true of the snapshot that I’ve treated you to below. Perhaps you can make out the gangster two-tone hairdo (black and yellow) that I’m working, which I actually didn’t get rid of until my very late teens. Perhaps you can tell that I was no stranger to McDonalds in 2011. Perhaps you can even tell that I was a thrill-seeking Jaws fan (which is a great story for another time). What we can all take from the photo below, though, is that I have tasted the dream, and I’m not ready to give up on a life at Hogwarts just yet.


So, I’m writing this as an open plea to the public; what better Christmas gift is there than the gift of a dream come true? Would you really be able to enjoy your turkey roast knowing that I have missed out on a chance to practice the Dark Arts and have a game of wizard’s chess with Professor McGonagall? Any donations to the #GetMadeleineToHogwarts campaign are most welcome.

And remember: Help will always be given at Hogwarts to those who ask for it. Or rather, to those who deserve it (me).


imageP.S. Thoughts on today’s face:
– Thick eyebrows keep the face warm in the baltic -1°C that London has to offer today
– Pale lips courtesy of Nivea Pearl Shine are required, again ’cause of the wank weather
– I am El Barto

5 thoughts on “an urgent plea: get me to hogwarts”

  1. Basically the Hogwarts admission department nowadays isn`t what it used to be. A fake r like Lockhart can be a wizard and DADA professor but not us. This is why people turn towards Dark Arts.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: