Chapter Three: The Letters From No One

The letterbox at number four Privet Drive is about to get absolutely lit.

Advertisements

The letterbox at number four Privet Drive is about to get absolutely lit.

As we all now know, funny business follows little old Harry Potter around. To be fair, the boy’s oblivious to the fact that he was literally dropped off at his aunt and unc’s by a half giant riding a humungous motorbike, and that might be something to do with all this weird shit that’s going on around him. If I didn’t know any better I’d say he was number 5 that was experimented on at Hawkins lab, but that would be too much of a worldly cross-over and I don’t think I’d like to see Harry go up against a god forsaken demogorgon.

Continue reading “Chapter Three: The Letters From No One”

Chapter Two: The Vanishing Glass

What more is there to learn from this world of drills, long cloaks and flying motorcycles?

SO we all know now that there was a boy. And that he lived. And that APWBD loves lemon drops -— although he is perhaps a little misguided in his child protection actions. What more is there to learn from this world of drills, long cloaks and flying motorcycles? Thankfully, I am here to tell this little known tale.

Continue reading “Chapter Two: The Vanishing Glass”

Chapter One: The Boy Who Lived

Mr and Mrs Dursley are anything but perfectly fucking normal, thank you very much.

So let’s kick this off with the cold, hard facts: Mr and Mrs Dursley are anything but perfectly fucking normal, thank you very much. They’re a pair of abusive morons, to be frank.

Continue reading “Chapter One: The Boy Who Lived”

HI!!!

Hello one and all: Muggles, squibs, mythical creatures and my mum,

I am fucking back. Yes, you heard it here first, if this site still even works: my blog is being resurrected from the grave. And it’s no coincidence that I’m doing this on the very day that Lily & James Potter spent their last ever day on this earth…

Continue reading “HI!!!”

dealing with the crushing blow of finding out my patronus

Life can be incredibly shit sometimes, as I may have mentioned sometime before. This year alone has been completely horrendous – which I have also mentioned – what with the death of Alan Rickman and my birthday falling on a Monday, and I’ve been dealt yet another crushing blow this November from none other than Pottermore. Continue reading “dealing with the crushing blow of finding out my patronus”

a plea for Harry Potter-related help

If there’s two things in this world I enjoy, they are Harry Potter and boozing. Like many others (I hope), I grew up with Harry, Ron and Hermione. I waited patiently for my Hogwarts letter on my 11th birthday, I queued with countless other Muggle-borns to purchase my yearly novel, and I suffered in indignity when the time came to say goodbye following the final film.

Not one to let go of anything dear to my heart, I have since amassed a collection of four wands – two of which I lost on nights out and had to re-purchase – a Slytherin robe, six Harry Potter tattoos and countless themed paraphernalia. I like Harry Potter. Whilst on this collective journey, I have also honed a taste for cocktails of all varieties and when two loves go hand in hand it is hard to ignore the ignition of the heart.

So once again, Harry (or whoever you may be), I must ask too much of you…

Should you have a spare two minutes could you please visit my delicious Google forms page and help me with some market research? It may eventually lead to you receiving your own Hogwarts letter and infinite witchy good karma.

If you click RIGHT HERE it will take you to the form 🙂 FANKS!!!!

a harry potter epiphany

So in the long dark days of the summer my mind tends to spend most of its time thinking about Harry Potter and chocolate. Sometimes at the same time. This has led me to have an epiphany so blowing of the mind that I felt the need to resurrect my blog simply to discuss it. Even if noone comments I might just start commenting on the post anyway with more HP musings as they enter my brain. Continue reading “a harry potter epiphany”