Chapter Three: The Letters From No One

The letterbox at number four Privet Drive is about to get absolutely lit.

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The letterbox at number four Privet Drive is about to get absolutely lit.

As we all now know, funny business follows little old Harry Potter around. To be fair, the boy’s oblivious to the fact that he was literally dropped off at his aunt and unc’s by a half giant riding a humungous motorbike, and that might be something to do with all this weird shit that’s going on around him. If I didn’t know any better I’d say he was number 5 that was experimented on at Hawkins lab, but that would be too much of a worldly cross-over and I don’t think I’d like to see Harry go up against a god forsaken demogorgon.

Continue reading “Chapter Three: The Letters From No One”

Chapter Two: The Vanishing Glass

What more is there to learn from this world of drills, long cloaks and flying motorcycles?

SO we all know now that there was a boy. And that he lived. And that APWBD loves lemon drops -— although he is perhaps a little misguided in his child protection actions. What more is there to learn from this world of drills, long cloaks and flying motorcycles? Thankfully, I am here to tell this little known tale.

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Chapter One: The Boy Who Lived

Mr and Mrs Dursley are anything but perfectly fucking normal, thank you very much.

So let’s kick this off with the cold, hard facts: Mr and Mrs Dursley are anything but perfectly fucking normal, thank you very much. They’re a pair of abusive morons, to be frank.

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HI!!!

Hello one and all: Muggles, squibs, mythical creatures and my mum,

I am fucking back. Yes, you heard it here first, if this site still even works: my blog is being resurrected from the grave. And it’s no coincidence that I’m doing this on the very day that Lily & James Potter spent their last ever day on this earth…

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dealing with the crushing blow of finding out my patronus

Life can be incredibly shit sometimes, as I may have mentioned sometime before. This year alone has been completely horrendous – which I have also mentioned – what with the death of Alan Rickman and my birthday falling on a Monday, and I’ve been dealt yet another crushing blow this November from none other than Pottermore. Continue reading “dealing with the crushing blow of finding out my patronus”

how to cope with seeing Justin Bieber in concert

Life is shit, let’s be honest. For the past five months I’ve been doing what I do best and ignoring my blog, weeping at videos of cute puppies and forsaking life as a sack of shit. It only took me until October 12th to remember that I am a blogging goddess and it’s time I picked up my pen and paper, put it down again, remember that blogging is digital and fire up my battered MacBook to give the people what they really want: a tale of the time I saw Justin Bieber in concert. Continue reading “how to cope with seeing Justin Bieber in concert”