It’s been said before, and there’s no doubt in my little mind that before the decade is out a lot of us will have said it to our own kids: school days really are the best times of our lives:
While yes, puberty is an awful mistress, and it’s truly not easy growing up, the amount of fun to be had during our early teenage years far outways the negatives (I would hope). Thinking back to my school days, I can’t believe just how much time has sped up since I was roaming the playground and scranning down in the canteens; it’s mental.
So I’m pretty sure that most people will agree with me when I say that school days were the best days ever, but for those who don’t (liars) I’ve concocted the below list of fond school memories to send you nashing down nostalgia lane and, hopefully, bring you to your senses.
- Passing notes around the class. This may not apply to those born in this digital day and age, they probably just have a WhatsApp group to discuss their crushes and rate the boys/girls in the class out of 10. That’s a great shame, though, ‘cause they’ll never know the true thrill of chucking that tiny piece of paper with all of your heart’s desires attached during the fraction of a second that your teacher faces the whiteboard.
- NON-UNIFORM DAY. Say no more.
- P.E. While yes, it was always a huge chore and it may have felt like you were being subjected to some cruel unjust punishment, physical education was absolutely hilarious, if you think about it. Cutting the corners during cross country (I’ll admit cross country was fuckin horrid), pelting each other with tennis balls on the courts and, depending of course on sexual orientation, perving on the opposite or the same sex in their shorts (especially if your school had a pool like ours).
- Peaking through the door of the classroom when you’d been sent out, to distract all your gang inside and get them thrown out too. It’s only fair, after all. You knew you were in for a royal bollocking when you were sent out of the class.
- Causing absolute mayhem during a fire alarm to the point that you were made to stand aside from the rest of the school, like the true madhead that you are.
- Being a master of disguise. We were treated to jumpers as a part of our school uniform, which served as amazing mobile phone concealers. Phone’s weren’t allowed in my school, but in the school I worked in last year they were everywhere. Getting away with sending a cheeky text or just simply having your phone on you at school was the height of badass (and even if it was confiscated, you could get it back at the end of the day).
- Science, bitch! Bunsen burners!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Making shit blow up!!!! I miss science so much.
- Giving your mate ‘the look’ when the class was asked to get into pairs. There was really nothing quite as reassuring as knowing you wouldn’t end up being that guy who partnered with the teacher.
- Swagging up the uniform. As much as most people loathed their uniform, there was always an unwritten dress code that meant you could bring the swag factor to your get up. We stuck it to the man by sporting untucked shirts, as much make up as we could get away with (also banned) and keeping our collars tucked into our jumpers. It fucked the teachers off bigtime. Gangster or what?
- Spending all day with your mandem. Your school friends become like your family, even though you may have bitched about them for however many years you’ve known them. Spending time with these honeys during lunchtime, breaks and most lessons (unless one of you was significantly thicker than the others) together. I would trade up my office environment for a trip back to the school lunch hall any day, and I’m pretty sure a lot of my friends would say the same
- Not worrying about a fucking thing. Literally, the most stressful part of school life is struggling with what to wear on non-uniform day, and deciding on who you fancied for that week. Money didn’t really exist past your lunch allowance (which of course always left room for a trip to the sweetshop on the way home).
- Behaving like a young Michelangelo in art class.
- School trips!!! If you manage not to make a complete fucking idiot of yourself like I did sometimes, school trips were fucking amazzzzinggg. We went to a different theme park for each year, leading up to the big one (Alton Towers of course) in year 11. It’s fair to say that we spent pretty much the whole day running around the park just ‘cause its so. fucking. big. Too much swearing in number thirteen I think sorry.
- Getting away with absolutely anything. Lines, who cares about getting lines?!
- Giving teachers the hilarious nicknames they deserve. I was seriously considering becoming a teacher at one point in time during my English Lit degree (which pretty much leads to being a teacher or being nothing at all). I reconsidered, however, when I remembered the daily beat-down teachers have to take from hilarious schoolchildren, whose ingenuity in selecting nicknames for their teachers never ceases to amaze. I genuinely had a teacher in primary school called Mrs Stinson, who we (hilariously) called Mrs Stinkbomb.
Take me back to school please.