So I think we can all agree that pizza is a God sent from another world to make us that little bit fatter, and yet that little bit happier.
Kate Moss famously said that nothing tastes as good as skinny feels, and whilst I’ve not felt skinny since I was about 12 years of age, I do reckon she’s probably right, and at least she’s honest about just how restrictive her diet has to be for her to stay skinny.
So there are companies out there on the web at the mo, who make delightful clothing (sweeping statement I know). I follow a whole load of these brands on Instagram, and regularly pine over the pictures of their clothing as modeled on their size six stunners, knowing full well that if I bought most of their stuff, I’d look like a sausage. Now I’m not brand-shaming, ‘cause there are plenty of other guilty parties out there at the moment, but brands such as o-mighty and skinny bitch apparel (a charming name which 100% invites women of all sizes to celebrate their bodies, naaat.) selling teeny weeny crop tops with ‘pizza slut’ on them is just a bit of a joke.
These brands in no way make their clothing for larger ladies, and have no intention for the wearer of their tees to be in any way lovers of pizza. In fact, the girls in the photos probably avoid gluten, meat, sugar and anything remotely unhealthy as standard, and most likely haven’t had a slice of pizza since their third birthday party.
I realise I’m generalising, and that there are a few girls out there who get away with eating shite and keeping a tiny frame, but my point is that a brand can’t be aimed at just girls with a high metabolism or an eating disorder.
For example: if I were to buy an I love pizza crop top, and sashay around the place representing skinny bitch apparel, you can bet that they wouldn’t be reposting any of my pics any time soon, regardless of how good I look under the filter (and I can look pretty fly with a sprinkling of Valencia). The irony, of course, is that I genuinely do love pizza, and the barely-there model on their Instagram page almost certainly does not.
I have no qualms whatsoever with skinny people; I’m jealous that people have such control over their diet that they’re able to look so fabulous. I do know that with a healthy and balanced diet that most people can afford to cheat and eat themselves a Dominos every now and again without gaining weight, but again I find it reeeeally hard to believe that the girls that skinny bitch market to are fans of that heavenly Dominos garlic and herb dip, or have even heard of Pizza Hut’s cheesy bites (I have certainly heard of those babies).
I feel like I’m blaspheming here as I love her dearly, but Miley Cyrus needs to stop pretending that she eats pizza. In my eyes, Miley has a completely banging body and her all-round look is incredible (sorry guys), but the girl recently bought pepperoni pizza BEDDING for fucks sake and I find it really really hard to believe that her love affair with that bready, cheesy goodness is legit.
So please, skinny girls of the world, stop pretending you love pizza and start wearing an avocado on your shirts or something. It’s too much for a larger lady to stomach.