kevin mccallister for president

So, at the risk of going all BuzzFeed on everyone, I’m going to try out something a bit different here, and take a break from writing about politics and the weather (how fucking boring am I?).

Seen as though Christmas is looming just around the corner with it’s big sexy festive hat on, I thought this would be the perfect time to talk about my absolutely favourite fictional character in the history of the world (besides Voldemort): Kevin McCallister.

As any self-respecting lover of crimbo films will be well aware, Kevin is the star of the Home Alone series, who was brought to life by Macaulay Culkin (in the good ones, anyway). Although Macaulay has grown out of his xmas booties (he’s thirty-fucking-four now, and touring the world playing none other than a kazoo in a band that sing about pizza – Macaulay I love you), Home Alone is still the best festive film that the world has to offer.

Now I know that is a big statement, and yes I am totally aware that films like Elf are strong contenders (I too answer the phone over Christmas with “Buddy the Elf, what’s your favourite colour?”). So to back-up my wild claims, I’ve harvested the best Kevin McCallister quotes that the internet has to offer, and slapped them together for your festive enjoyment. If any of you were doubting that Home Alone is absolutely fucking mint, you’re about to see the light.

Kevin is just like you and I on a Saturday night.


He’s just as loyal to that strict healthy eating regime that you’re rocking…




That could be me ridin’ dirty through the streets of East London.

Kevin knows the daily struggles of having to socialise with real people…


And their stupidity when it comes to understanding the importance of pizza.


He’s got his priorities on point…


And knows that personal hygiene should come first for all children left home alone on Christmas.


Kevin understands that sometimes we all need a little bit of time apart from our families, and he too can say a few things he maybe didn’t mean…


But deep down he’s the sweetest and possibly the kindest kid in Chicago (and he’d give Dear Deidre a run for her money in the love-guru stakes).


On top of all this, though, Kevin McCallister is a complete crime-bashing badass.


So from me and Kevin…



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