return of the dark lord

After a ten-day stint on the sofa weeping at Frozen and destroying all my hard work in the gym and on my diet, I’ve now returned to full strength for long enough at least to write myself a little number for the blog, like a fetal Lord Voldemort reborn from a cauldron with the help of his loyal servant Wormtail (represented in this metaphor by antibiotics).

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So in my extended absence you’ve probably been wondering just what I’ve been doing to while away the days and fill up the time which is usually devoted to pissing people off with my blog posts, casting them into the social media void at any opportunity. The truth is, that being ill is so F-ing boring that I have nothing interesting to tell you about; I missed being an annoying Facebooker and selecting completely useless hashtags on Twitter to get people to read my shite, you don’t feel half as important wrapped in eight blankets with a snotty nose and a weepy general face if you don’t have the online support of WordPress readers.

Anyhow, in other, infinitely more exciting and rather odd news, I’ve been nominated for no Rihanna-attends-The-57th-Annual-GRAMMY-Awards-at-the-STAPLES-Centerless than an award. I know, I know, I can hear you all now: “of course you’ve been nominated for an award you’re so freaking amazing how could you ever go a single moment of life without an award nomination?!’. With it being academy awards season, you may be forgiven for thinking that I’ve been nominated for a shiny Grammy or something, but they were all given out last night and I was left off the list, somehow. Did you see Rihanna’s dress? Werk girl.

No, I’ve been nominated for a bloggy-type award, which is still pretty wicked considering I don’t blog about anything that’s in any way useful. In fact, my nomination has probably been retracted since I abandoned my adoring honeys for however long while I wallowed in self pity in the darkness of my bedroom, watching prison documentaries on Netflix ‘til I feared going to the fucking toilet in the night in case I was murdered. Digressing…

Anyhoo, on closer inspection of The Liebster Award, it seems I actually have to answer a few questions about myself, as whipped up by Laura from Owning Your Okayness, another bloggy darling. I’m going to dedicate a whole delectable post to the questions posed to me, and so you’ll all have to hang on to your seats and wait a little longer to hear more about my good self (yes, I’m aware that most of the people who bother to read my ramblings know a lot about me but it’s all a bit of fun isn’t it dears).

So for now, I’m going to go bask in the glory of my return to power as the Dark Lord and wish you all a lovely Monday.

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