The internet is a glorious place. One where you can indulge in videos of cats playing with slinkies for hours on end, or stalk your fave z-list celeb’s every move (Michelle McManus’ Twitter feed, everyone). It can also be pretty soul destroying, turning almost every song you ever will like into a plethora of wanky parodies until you hate the song and refuse to believe you ever did like it…
The internet at large ruin a good few things for us weekly. Here are just a few things I’m really fucking sick of hearing about in 2015:
No explanation required. This word is unacceptable and the most annoying thing to come out of Pharrell’s mouth in the history of Pharrell. Aside from it literally translating into the word shite in Danish, it just represents a laziness in our up and coming tweens to announce words properly.
2. Zayn Malik
Like all self-respecting females, I too felt the sting of #ZaynPain (I wrote about it too – it was lols). I actually didn’t give a shit that he had decided to leave one direction unfortunately, but I did enjoy seeing his face all over Twitter / the papers / WordPress / Tumblr / THE WHOLE INTERNET. As with all things, though, there came a time when Zayn was in my eyesight a little too much. Fuck off Zayn, we don’t care that you want to be the next member of NWA; you’ll always be that stroppy one that refused to dance at bootcamp you ungrateful piece of shit (team Perrie).
3. Tube strikes
I live in London, give me a break TFL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I won’t go into my over-opinionated views on the underground drivers (You go gals!!! you defo need WAY more than 50k per anum… Naaat.) but it really is wanky when you can’t go out for a small beverage in the city because you can’t move from your doorstep for a flurry of panicking commuters trying to navigate life overground.
Surely festival season is over soon? I even went to a daytime one and I’m still sick of hearing about them. Srsly, none of you went to festivals before last summer so stop trying to trick everyone into thinking you’re totally boho-ketamine chic with your bindi and your crop top. I realise they are a great source of enjoyment for many and I am being a bit harsh but it is way too good watching mandem who usually don’t step foot outside of Revolution living the #festilife in their Ellesse tops and bucket hats. Go back to the Stone Island.
What the fuck man. Seriously a sign that Nike have the best marketing strategy in the world; they’ve managed to get the world to think that trainers that resemble fucking CROCS are so hot right now they need to be snapped up for 100 barries a go. Na.
STUFF I’M NOT GETTING BORED OF:
THE KARDASHIANS. LOVE YOU GALS.
Taylor Swift is also one more self-righteous Tweet away from this list.