advice for newfound Beliebers

Closet Beliebers the world over are breathing a collective sigh of relief as news breaks that it is finally acceptable to like Justin Bieber.

Having been a long-time fan of Justin Bieber, it came as no surprise to me that his new album – Purpose – was absolutely brimming with bangers. JB is, and has always been, a talented youth, and now that people are finally coming to the light and realising that he is top dollar and can throw down some massive tunes I felt it my responsibility to reassure the newbies.

Justin (yeah we’re on first name terms) has gone through some shitty times over the past few years. Yep, he tried to knock out a reporter and he threw eggs at his neighbours house, but isn’t that just standard teenage behaviour? I know my brother once got a bollocking for chucking orange peel at one of the houses in our neighbourhood when we were loads younger and I bet Josh from Barnsley didn’t write a Facebook status wishing he would die a painful death.

By and large the online community has been overly harsh to Justin Bieber. I’ve seen people wish death on him countless times, something which I don’t really think is ever acceptable. Fair enough if you didn’t jam out to “Baby” (I know you secretly did), and it’s OK that you found it annoying when he was singing about love as a 14 year old but did the kid really deserve all the hate? I really doubt it.

Besides the fact that the Biebs has been dropping fire albums since “One Time” took the internet by storm, there’s plenty to actually like about him. Clearly if someone gave you 200 million dollars in your teenage years you’d probably go a bit off the rails yourself. In fact I’d go as far as to say that the Bieber H8az are simply just a bit jealous that he is young, rich and banging.

So beyond this rant of mine against anyone and everyone who ever gave Justin Bieber a death threat, I have a few encouraging words for all those people (everyone on the planet) who realised this year that “Sorry” is a fuckin’ tune and couldn’t get “What Do You Mean?” out of their head for a few weeks:

Firstly, you’re a Belieber now. You have joined the ranks of your 11 year old sister and her annoying mates and become a fully fledged fan. Congrats, man.

Secondly, that’s OK. It’s alright to like Justin Bieber’s music now, especially when half of the population has changed their opinion on him over the past year. You’ll be OK.

Finally, prepare for your love affair with the Canadian heartthrob to continue, ‘cause new Bieber is probably here to stay. From the sound of things he fought his managers long and hard to change his sound direction, and the added padding to their bank accounts from this latest record is likely to persuade them to let him carry on doing his thing. Pretty soon you’ll probably have a JB tattoo (I actually have a JB lyric tattoo, no word of a fucking lie), and be queueing up outside the O2 for days to get a glimpse of him before watching his concert. Happy days.

I’m going to see him in October, holler at me if you’ll be around.

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