Chapter Three: The Letters From No One

The letterbox at number four Privet Drive is about to get absolutely lit.

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The letterbox at number four Privet Drive is about to get absolutely lit.

As we all now know, funny business follows little old Harry Potter around. To be fair, the boy’s oblivious to the fact that he was literally dropped off at his aunt and unc’s by a half giant riding a humungous motorbike, and that might be something to do with all this weird shit that’s going on around him. If I didn’t know any better I’d say he was number 5 that was experimented on at Hawkins lab, but that would be too much of a worldly cross-over and I don’t think I’d like to see Harry go up against a god forsaken demogorgon.

Continue reading “Chapter Three: The Letters From No One”

Chapter Two: The Vanishing Glass

What more is there to learn from this world of drills, long cloaks and flying motorcycles?

SO we all know now that there was a boy. And that he lived. And that APWBD loves lemon drops -— although he is perhaps a little misguided in his child protection actions. What more is there to learn from this world of drills, long cloaks and flying motorcycles? Thankfully, I am here to tell this little known tale.

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Chapter One: The Boy Who Lived

Mr and Mrs Dursley are anything but perfectly fucking normal, thank you very much.

So let’s kick this off with the cold, hard facts: Mr and Mrs Dursley are anything but perfectly fucking normal, thank you very much. They’re a pair of abusive morons, to be frank.

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HI!!!

Hello one and all: Muggles, squibs, mythical creatures and my mum,

I am fucking back. Yes, you heard it here first, if this site still even works: my blog is being resurrected from the grave. And it’s no coincidence that I’m doing this on the very day that Lily & James Potter spent their last ever day on this earth…

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dealing with the crushing blow of finding out my patronus

Life can be incredibly shit sometimes, as I may have mentioned sometime before. This year alone has been completely horrendous – which I have also mentioned – what with the death of Alan Rickman and my birthday falling on a Monday, and I’ve been dealt yet another crushing blow this November from none other than Pottermore. Continue reading “dealing with the crushing blow of finding out my patronus”

how to be the best Instagrammer you can be

Looking good and shoving it in other people’s faces is great, and it’s made increasingly greater (and easier) by every Millennial’s favourite app: Instagram. Pretending you’re someone else online is an art form, and one that I’ve discussed as recently as last week on my blog. Seen as though I am unoriginal as fuck and unable to come up with anything interesting to talk about, I’ve decided to take this nastiness and direct it at Instagram’s finest, having embraced the fact I hate everything.

Getting any amount of attention on Instagram is somewhat difficult for anyone who isn’t the size of a Bowtruckle with a “glam squad” on the payroll. Convincing other people that your life is worthy of a double-tap can be hard; I am nearing 450 followers (groundbreaking, I know) and am yet to surpass the 15 likes mark on most of my pictures which is of course preposterous. But that doesn’t mean I don’t know the secret to a successful life on the ‘gram. Continue reading “how to be the best Instagrammer you can be”