So it has come to my attention that I’ve been completely neglecting my blog. Like if this blog was a child I would be sent down for gross neglect and/or murder as I’ve paid absolutely fuck all attention to it in almost three months. My last blog entry was – of course – thrilling and hilarious, and yet i still find myself here in 2016 having failed to pen a follow up. How dare I deprive all my hundreds of thousands of avid readers??? Side note: I do not in any way have hundreds of thousands of readers – avid or otherwise. Sob.
One thing they don’t tell you (they being the blogging deities) when you start a blog is that it’s actually a fucking chore to keep up with. As many of my more dedicated readers – hi mum – may know I actually used to publish shite on here daily. Yeah, I had that much time on my hands that I was dishing out content like noone’s business, and I actually once published two blog posts in one day -keen. Put simply: I was a fucking blogging machine who obviously just had loads to say a la the “I just have a lot of feelings” girl from Mean Girls.
Come to think of it, if I was actually as smart as I think I am – and of course I am on par with the great minds of this world such as Professor Dumbledore – I would’ve probably spaced out my blog entries and avoided throwing my blogging presence in the face of anyone who has ever known me at any chance. Perhaps if I had had more patience and less blogging ego I would now be raking in millions and posing on the front of Forbes magazine with Zoella and that healthy lass who got famous ‘cause of her Spiraliser. Hindsight is a dirty slag.
So anyway after a few solid months of being the Ronaldo of the blogging world – that being extremely talented, highly annoying and with a very oily facial complexion – I began to ease myself out of the habit. I slowly found myself less and less humorous (which is a sin because clearly I am fucking hilarious) and generally realised that I wasn’t really that interesting. That’s not to say that loads of blog-worthy shit didn’t happen as 2015 crawled by slowly (what a dogshit year), in fact I visited loads of new places and did loads of totally mint stuff that I know my loyal readership (mum) would love to read about, I just never got round to putting it down on digital paper.
Even this blog post isn’t that interesting; does a blog post about being shit at writing blog posts even count as a legitimate blog post? I really fucking doubt it, but as we’ve learned above I’m not the one to go to for blogging wisdom.
So in summary I would like to heartily apologise for being completely wank at blogging over 2015, and I’m making a half-arsed new year’s resolution to contribute to the WordPress mine of blog content on a semi-regular basis. While that may seem like a real bullshit vague new year’s resolution, it is all I have for you at this moment in time, knowing just how successful I usually am with new year’s rezzo’s. Judging by last year’s resolution to lose about five stone and become a wealthy stripper (I gained half a stone, am completely brassic and am still yet to ever enter a strip club) I have learned the hard life lesson that it does not do to dwell on dreams and forget to live – which in other words means do not overpromise and you will not be disappointed.
Who knows, perhaps this is a new dawn in my online superstardom. Probs not though. Chat to you again in another three months!
PS Happy new year bitches!!!! Here I am doing what I do best (drinking gin).