So as predicted by myself and probably the Mayan Calendar people too, it’s been a full month since I last posted. Maybe I felt that I’d made a strong enough case against lazy gap yah-ers and that I should depart the blogging world in a blaze of glory, but maybe not too. Probably not. My life since that post has been pretty nondescript, although I did go on a fabby gals break to Budapest like the European jetsetter I truly am. Other than that I spent most of my time being pissed off, which is pretty standard for myself as a little ray of sunshine.
Like many British people – and indeed everyone in Yorkshire if you listen to David Cameron – I hate a lot of things. Being pissed off seems to be ingrained into British culture; be it the weather, the Underground or something super awful like overcooking your eggs there’s always something to moan about if you’re a true Brit. Our country is actually pretty fucking great but that won’t stop the legion of miserable bastards (led by me) complaining about anything and everything.
So in the spirit of all that is British I have decided to compile a list of things that piss me off. And it’s probably gonna get quite long so I’ll get to it:
- People who don’t buy their round. There’s an unspoken rule among anyone with a decent fucking brain that if you’re bought a drink (or eight) by your pals you’re expected to buy one back. People who sneak out when they know the time is coming for them to dish out the beverages are akin to Satan and belong in the underworld. Just buy the drinks, you stingy bastard. PS dad if you’re reading this this one doesn’t apply to me I will one day return all the drinks thanks!!!
- People who don’t queue. Just wait your fuckin turn mate.
- People who stop in the middle of a busy path. Get out of my fucking way.
- People (I figure it would be easier to group this into one section as things are getting a little too samey).
- Physical exercise. Noone likes it. Not even you, and I know you tell people that you like it. If by some miracle you give a fuck about why I don’t like it you can read a lil blog post about it here (smooth, I know).
- The wind. WIND is the worst of all the weather conditions. Worse even than a downpour when you’re making the mad dash from Maccy Ds to your car – if it was windy things would be much worse.
- Britain’s lack of capability to cope with any form of weather condition other than boring beige cloudy nothingness. A bit of rain and trains are delayed “by upto 40 hours” and all air traffic is grounded until normality returns which is completely and absolutely fucking ridiculous. I’ve taken off in an electric storm from Greece before!!
- Working full time. How am I ever supposed to reach the end of Homeland season 4 if I have to spend 9 hours a day sat behind a desk pretending to do some real life work?? How am I supposed to hone the supermodel body that is hiding under these layers of chub when I am otherwise occupied making bank?? It’s a mystery.
- Hangovers. What is the fun in going out and behaving outrageously after 12 gin and tonics if you are then going to feel like you’ve been run over with a train for the next three days? Hangovers better stop being progressively worse before I am forced to do something truly adult and quit drinking for good (not).
- People who don’t like Harry Potter. This is separate from the all-encompassing “people” section, as people who don’t like Harry Potter surely cannot be deemed real people. Go read all the books and watch all the films and maybe even buy me a wand and we can talk.
- Trying to keep up with my blog like a normal bloggy human being.
Let me know what pisses you off and we can be pissed off together.