tricking people into thinking you don’t have shit hair

So I woke up this morning feeling like P Diddy. And not ‘cause I brushed my teeth with JD before I went to sleep, but cos I agree with him that Drake needs a few punches if he’s flirting with your wife.

image (12)Anyway, here I am to the right waking up feeling just like Diddy. Unlike a few of the #WakeUpCall selfies you might’ve seen flying around recently, I don’t have a full face of make-up – you can check out my wonky face in all its glory. It’s a shame that celebrities and a lot of women feel the need to look perfect in any public photo; I defo saw a few #NoMakeUpSelfies with a less-than-subtle pair of eyebrows drawn in, and some suspicious looking “natural” blusher. As long as they donated, I’m not arsed, but it’s still a bit of a shame.

I’m not going to spend another post complaining about my face, although I hope a few of my tips were helpful. I’m a strong believer in ladies helping ladies feel better about themselves, and seen as though my previous beauty post was quite popular, why not try out another.

So I want to talk a little about the curse of thin hair. I touched on it a little before, but I don’t think I really went into great detail about just how wanky it is to try looking foxy when you’ve got fuck all hair to work with. Don’t get me wrong I 100% know and understand that there are people far worse off than me, and we are lucky honeys to have these hang ups to complain about, but for now I’m going to lay down a few tips on how to make the best of a bad situation, and learn to love your shit hair.

First things first (I’m the realest), you can check out just how thin my hair is. Back in the glory days of my young teens, I was chasing the dream of being a sassy platinum blonde. Being blessed with a hairdresser in training as a galpal, I headed over to the college once a week and had my barnet bleached, which in hindsight might have been a little idiotic (but I looked fly as fuck). While I’ve never had the thickest or most luxurious hair, I reckon the bleach worked some sorcery in there too, and so I’m left with the less-than-luscious mop that you can see below:

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Thin hair looks even thinner (if that’s even possible) in a high pony. I’ve watched hair-up trends come and go and wept from the wings; the oh-so-popular ‘messy bun’ look actually just looks like I’ve got an acorn on my head (it’s OK, you can laugh).

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I’ve been a great supporter of clip-in hair extensions for some time now. My ginger locks are boosted by these babies currently, which I got from the local hair shop for 40 quid. Best investment ever. They even double up as a great Gimli costume:

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I’ve had a few years experience in working extensions into up-dos. Clip-ins can be a bit troublesome (as you probably all know) and I’ve defo been on several nights out with clips hanging out of my ponytail left right and centre. It’s not a good look. I found this way of turning my ponytail into a flowing waterfall (lol) about 3 years ago; it could work for you!

I brush half of my hair forward and tie up th back section. Taking one of my rows of clip-ins, I clip just above the little ponytail and wind the hair around my real hair, clipping again when it’s fully wound (you can use two or three rows for a thicker look. I then scrape the rest of my hair back and tie it all up together, wrapping the stray short hair of my own around the ponytail and clipping in place, so it looks like a knot of hair. Voila:

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When you rock a set of extennies, you run the risk of looking like a complete dick. I cringe daily at the amount of girls I see with mismatched colours in, or with the extensions hanging down in rats’ tails. The gadgies at the shop actually know their shit, so let them pick out the colour match for you. It’s worth going for something a little more expensive, think of it as an investment, think of the fucking Instagram likes!

The join between your own hair and your hired hair can be a tricky little bastard to hide. Personally, I’m a big fan of the half-up-half-down look; it’ll tuck the join away so noone will ever know that your sexy hair is shop-bought. Curls add volume to the look, turning you into one sassy mother-fucker in the space of 10 precious minutes.

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…Or you could just whack on a hat:

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When I can’t be arsed with extensions (which I admit is a lot of the time), I just get on with it, but my hair stays down. You probably already know that I love make-up, and it’s useful in distrcting the world from your shit hair. A good strong pair of brows will draw anyone’s eye (but please make sure they don’t look like a pair of slugs), and a bold lippy will do the same. I bet you looked at my face before realising my hair is shit:

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Remember: it’s not all bad news for us thin-haired honeys! It can actually be pretty sweet, as it takes us a fraction of the time to get ready. I can be through the shower, with my hair dried and straightened in half an hour, whereas some of my pals can spend hours working on their “messy” buns.

‘Appy days.

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