a celebration of glorious makeup

The evolution of my makeup skills has been slow and painful. There were the days that a slick of mascara and some finger-applied foundation were all I donned for a night out:


Peace, man.

The black-eyed metal rocker eye-makeup overload I-want-to-be-Taylor-Momsen phase (nailed it):


And my more recent, more sane makeup artistry, complete with sluggy brows and too much contourer to give the illusion that my face is that little bit slimmer than it truly is:


This is my day-to-day look (Catelyn Stark lives!!!!).

Makeup becomes more and more vital to our everyday lives as we grow older. I genuinely thought that rockstar look in the brown-haired photo was a winner, and I’m just unsure about whether I was emotionally stable during the first phase.

Anyway, I’m writing this glorious journalistic triumph to celebrate my new makeup brushes. That’s right, I’m moving on from Topshop’s five-brush wonder (which has been my closest friend for the past few years) to invest in an arsenal of brushes which will 100% transform me into a Beyoncé lookalike.

Now that the brushes have arrived (and aren’t they just gorgeous), I’m left with one burning question: ‘What the fuck do they all do?’

image (2)

It’s all well and good me thinking I’m an up-and-coming MUA, and that I should shoot to stardom as the next face of Illamasqua (I’m available if you’re looking guys). The truth is, without any know-how I’m pretty much bound to remain a makeup novice for the rest of my days, dreaming about how to correctly use the crease brush and fantasizing about how eye liner could change my life but it probably won’t ‘cause I can’t put the fucking thing on properly.

So on my realisation that I had absolutely no fucking idea what I was doing with half of my new brush set, I turned to professional help, and into the loving arms of my makeup galpal Amy. A makeup wizard, Amy has spent countless hours doing my makeup for nights out at my request, resulting in her moving to the other side of the world to escape my needy ways (F you New Zealand). Before her departure, however, she set her wizardy little hands on my face and did me a couple of make overs, showing me just how to use all of my new brushes (love you baby gal).

You can see more makeup genius on her Instagram page, along with a load of other hilarious shite.

So as I am moving on into 2015 as a newly wonderous make up extraordinaire, I’m going to share some photos of the looks I master and the brushes that I picked out of my (rather large) new collection. I am in no way any kind of makeup artist and I am definitely not saying that my skills are amazing, but sometimes all it takes is a bit of encouragement from someone on your level to get you going, and so hopefully a few of you might find my tips a little bit useful! If I can tame my wonky face into submission, I’m pretty sure you can do so too.

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