So I realise that I have been entirely slack on this whole blogging thing, and many of you may have forgotten just how wonderful and genius I truly am. The (sad) truth is, I have run out of amusing things to tell you and embarrassing stories to recount.
So in an effort to take this blog in a direction where I can actually write something, I’ve decided to publish a weekly recap of stuff that happens. Groundbreaking and oh so individual I know, but at least I’m not trying to become a fashion blogger or some shit ’cause there are way too many of them on the web with way too little style.
So without further ado let us take a walk through this week and what caught my eye.
Good old Jezza was top of the headlines once again this week with his ‘fracas’ing, known to you and I as battering a poor producer. Now I actually love Jeremy and find him entirely hilarious (sorry world), so I can only imagine that the event was justifiable (but probably not), although there is a certain irony in his outrage at the less than PC comments made by some complete wanker at the BBC, him being the least PC person to come out of Doncaster (and that is saying something). He’s not really as bad as Savile guys is he? Real harsh.
Yeezus himself has been announced as one of this year’s Glastonbury headliners and quite naturally the Internet is divided. Kanye himself seemed more arsed about posting naked pictures of his wife to actually make the announcement himself, but when he got round to it he seemed oh so excited at this new opportunity to spend two hours preaching to the masses about his Godly status and their meagre existence. For me (and anyone with half a brain) this is just another example of Kanye being the Diadora to Jay Z’s Nike, trying so hard to live up to the latter, infinitely more incredible Jay. there have been calls by the hilarious portion of the Internet to replace both Kanye and Jeremy Clarkson with Alan Partridge. Over 30,000 genius people have signed up to swap Jezza for Alan (you too can sign here), and a more modest 3,000 signatures have been placed to replace Ye with Partridge ‘in a reasonably priced car’ (again you can sign up here). Fucking brilliant. In other news (and yes I’m a bit late but I’ve been a shit blogger over the past few weeks) his collection for Adidas was a load of shit. Noone will ever ever be going to the gym in brown tights, Kanye, go have a rethink.
Following reports that it was actually Kanye’s fat head that would be the cause of this morning’s eclipse, I actually knew nothing about there being a real life total eclipse, as people seemed more interested in talking about Jaffa Cakes online. It’s just as well that I wasn’t anticipating anything spectacular though, isn’t it, as London was covered in a lovely, scenic layer of thick clouds (shock) and so the celestial phenomenon wasn’t quite as spectacular as enthusiasts had predicted. I’m not kidding, the sky literally went from light grey, to dark grey, to a possibly darker grey (but I’m not certain) and back to the original light grey. What a complete shower of shite (resisting the urge to make a fifty shades of grey joke as I am totally above all that – ish). Check out this stunning collection of eclipse photography to see for yourself just how blessed the people of London were this morning…
To avoid rambling on about every single bit of news that I find remotely interesting I will sign off for another week, and continue being my lazy self. Should you have any interesting news that you’d like me to chat about on this incredible new source of global news and affairs please leave a comment at the bottom, ’cause I’m more than likely going to run out of shit to chat again before long and abandon this site to pesky hackers.
Peace and love bitches.