On my quest to digitally record anything remotely interesting that happened to me last year – bear in mind my memory is completely shit – I found myself reminiscing about May’s trip to Prague. As my first visit to the stag do capital of Europe I will forever look back on it not as the trip when I saw a legion of pissed up Brits abroad shaking their cocks around with a picturesque background – surprisingly we saw no genitalia – but as the very first time I went abroad and forgot my mother fucking hair straighteners.
In 2015 and beyond it is difficult to erase documentation of an event where you looked a bit shit. As you may know, I have proper shit hair which thanks to hair extensions and my blessed straighteners can at times look less shit than it actually is. For this reason the tragic moment I opened my suitcase in this exotic foreign country and found a lack of electric salad tongs was much worse than you could imagine. How was I possibly going to look chic and sassy and cosmopolitan in Prague without the ability to style my fucking hair?
For those who are wondering the answer was that I just didn’t. I didn’t look chic, I didn’t look sassy and I certainly didn’t look cosmopolitan. In many of the pictures – and, believe me, there were loads of pictures – I looked either bald or highly unfashionable, which as you can imagine is a disaster for someone who likes to look as delicious as possible in their selfies. There was a slight respite in the fact that I caked myself in as much dramatic makeup as possible on each day in an attempt to distract from the bizarre/awful hair situation, which means that a few of the pics are somewhat acceptable. I also rocked a few pairs of prominent sunglasses so as to distract from it. However there’s no escaping the one day I French plaited my lacklustre locks backward whilst wet and released them for the evening: I looked like Marv from Home Alone when he gets electrocuted. There’s a picture just down there below where I have somehow actually managed to look like Katie Hopkins: horrifying.

So as we are all gathering from this blog post the main take away from the Prague trip is that I am vain as fuck. Of course I am totally exaggerating my utter horror (sort of) above, and I had an absolute ball with my lady learning about all things communism and being burgled by brazen ratty hoes in the street – a story for another time.
For anyone considering a trip to Prague in the near future, here are my tips:
- Take your hair straighteners!!!!
- Never try and understand the tram system, you will always end up in the wrong place.
- Do a guided tour! Prague has some insane history.
- Drink loads of cheap beer – it’s cheaper than water over there.
- Hold onto your belongings as the hoes might come for your bountiful cash too.
- Visit St. Nicholas Church, it’s the most beautiful place in the world.
- Don’t French plait your hair, you’ll look a complete dick later on.
- Treat yourself to a delicious sugared ring (I promise there is no other way to describe it, don’t lower the tone of my tour guide with your dirty mind).
- Prepare to be inundated with awesome views – we actually got sick of finding amazing views after a while ‘cause they all look the same.
- Visit the Museum of Communism – it’s hidden away next to a Maccies (no joke).
- Don’t bother with the astronomical clock – it’s dogger.
Tata for now huns, pics belowXXXX




Thanks for the tips! I’ll be in Prague next month 🙂
LikeLike
No problemo, have a great time!
LikeLike
The (editted) edit i got by email read/ended “…the very first time i went abroad and forgot my mother…”, which made me REALLY want to read the full Blog this time!
LikeLike
Oh gosh, you wouldn’t catch me forgetting my mother on any trip! She’s the one who keeps me in check!
LikeLike
Also continue reading at your own peril – sorry for my language!!
LikeLike