public transport is shit

We need to talk about public transport in the UK. Whether it be overground, underground, sideways, airborne, on a road or on a track, all forms of public transport in Britain have one characteristic in common: they’re a shower of shite.

As a self-proclaimed angsty “bus wanker” – and someone who has to take a bus, underground tube and overground train to get to fucking work and back – I am pretty much a connoisseur of public transport. I must clarify here that I’m absolutely not admitting that proudly; it’s defo shameful and beyond to have to do battle with not one but three modes of UK transport on a daily basis. So I think what I’m getting at here is that I’m not a posh twat complaining about mixing with the peasantry on the bus, and that I do have a valid insight into just how shit transport in the UK really is. Continue reading “public transport is shit”

5 great ways to procrastinate

While there may be several blog posts out there dedicated to getting you through your exams, transforming you into a “morning person” (surely a mythical creature) and making you into an all-round better human being, they are probably all boring as shit. Concentrating on serious stuff like philosophy revision and the paper you have to submit in 48 hours is certainly kind of important if you want to live a long and prosperous life – or so they say, and we all know what DJ Khaled has to say about “they” – but getting to the end of a good Netflix series gives you infinite more satisfaction and wisdom. Continue reading “5 great ways to procrastinate”

the struggles of being a disorganised bastard

If you have plans with me currently, and have known me for some time, you probably expect me to announce at the last moment that I’ve fucked up my life and have quadruple-booked the day, arranging to spend it in four different corners of the country with seven different people. I am actually really sorry to all the pals that I have had to cancel on last minute, it’s a really shitty trait to have. If I do manage to stick to plans I am a serial latecomer, and most of my friends – and my workplace – have learned to expect me at least half an hour after the agreed time. Continue reading “the struggles of being a disorganised bastard”

10 things that piss me off

So as predicted by myself and probably the Mayan Calendar people too, it’s been a full month since I last posted. Maybe I felt that I’d made a strong enough case against lazy gap yah-ers and that I should depart the blogging world in a blaze of glory, but maybe not too. Probably not. My life since that post has been pretty nondescript, although I did go on a fabby gals break to Budapest like the European jetsetter I truly am. Other than that I spent most of my time being pissed off, which is pretty standard for myself as a little ray of sunshine. Continue reading “10 things that piss me off”

why you should absolutely not take a gap year

Do you remember how hard you thought life was when you were at school? Do you remember when getting homework from four out of five lessons in a day was considered a crime against humanity, and after school detention really did feel like federal prison? I thought all of these things, and by the time I was 18 and the time came for me to escape 6th form and education, I decided I needed a well-earned break. By well-earned I of course mean unnecessary. Continue reading “why you should absolutely not take a gap year”

5 reasons to hate the gym

It’s like half way through January now, and as you’d expect the gyms are raking in the cash from “new year, new me”-ers who are likely to spend a couple of weeks showing willing and then cave under the realisation that eating carbs and sitting on your arse is loads more fun than jogging halfheartedly on a treadmill and being judged by regular gym goers. I really don’t blame them. Continue reading “5 reasons to hate the gym”

fuck dry january

We’ve all got that one annoying mate who decides when January comes around that a month off the sauce is somehow going to cleanse their souls and turn them into a health goddess. I get it, I really do. We all overdo it on the pigs in blankets over Christmas and come out the other side of December with slightly more padding than we intended to. We all chug 14 bottles of wine a day in the name of everything that’s festive. We all feel rotten as fuck after spending £3,529 on a G&T down the local NYE party and we most defo all feel the pain of the marathon wait for January pay day. But if you think that 30 days on the wagon – and on your high moral horse – is going to cleanse you of those xmas toxins you are fuckin barmy. Continue reading “fuck dry january”

a blog post about blogging

So it has come to my attention that I’ve been completely neglecting my blog. Like if this blog was a child I would be sent down for gross neglect and/or murder as I’ve paid absolutely fuck all attention to it in almost three months. My last blog entry was – of course – thrilling and hilarious, and yet i still find myself here in 2016 having failed to pen a follow up. How dare I deprive all my hundreds of thousands of avid readers??? Side note: I do not in any way have hundreds of thousands of readers – avid or otherwise. Sob. Continue reading “a blog post about blogging”

my favourite conspiracy theories

The world is full of some absolutely fucking crackers conspiracy theories, and they are pretty much all hilarious. That is, discarding the ones that are pretty scary. From ‘Paul’s Dead’ to the ever-impending Chemtrails madness, madheads the world over have been serving up batch after batch of quality theories around anything and everything for all of time, as far as I know. Continue reading “my favourite conspiracy theories”