becoming a work of art this valentine’s day

The thing I suck most at in life is being bad at things. While that might be an oxymoron, what it really means is that I am the worst most sore loser in the United Kingdom, probably; I tantrum when I can’t grasp how to do something and end up winding myself up even more. If you’ve read my post about my skiing incident, you’ll probably have gathered this by now; it’s not the most attractive trait in a person I’m sure. Late last year, when I moved into my beautiful house, I bought a shit load of Ikea furniture to swag out my room with and was fuming when it all arrived flatpacked – being less than gifted with common sense or with any practical skills, there was no chance I was getting any of it up myself. In fact, I tried to screw one of the screws into its corresponding little hole and failed, started crying, and ditched the whole job for my boyfriend to do.

One of the great disappointments of my life (woe is me) is that I’m truly shite at art. I could write you a great description of someone pretty easily and you’d probably get an alright idea in your mind of who I was on about (I would hope) but if I got out the paint brushes and attempted to draw them you’d end up with something like this that I just whacked out on Paint: Continue reading “becoming a work of art this valentine’s day”

the liebster award

OK so as I mentioned yesterday, I’ve been nominated for the Liebster Award (and if people want the evidence that I’m not just making this shit up, you can check out the glorious nomination itself on this here post). Thank you kindly to Laura from Owning Your Okayness once again for ever taking the time to read anything I write, and for bothering to give me a shout out. It’s truly lovely.

I’ve knocked together some answers to the questions I was asked by Laura, and hope that they’re not quite as boring as they sound in my head. I’m not too good with answering questions on myself or making myself sound interesting – I was always wank at that ‘stand up and tell us something interesting about yourself’ game in school. Continue reading “the liebster award”

return of the dark lord

After a ten-day stint on the sofa weeping at Frozen and destroying all my hard work in the gym and on my diet, I’ve now returned to full strength for long enough at least to write myself a little number for the blog, like a fetal Lord Voldemort reborn from a cauldron with the help of his loyal servant Wormtail (represented in this metaphor by antibiotics). Continue reading “return of the dark lord”


So it would appear that spending two weeks exercising regularly and eating well has had the opposite effect on me than would be expected; I’m currently feeling like I’ve been run over by the Hogwarts Express and have my own personal Dementor setting up camp in the corner of my bedroom.

So as you can probably tell, I’ve been taking a short writing hiatus (I am so Tom De Longe from Blink) and will return to my glorious blogging throne in fire and blood once I am finished watching Mulan and eating nutritious Supernoods for strength. Continue reading “apologies”

what i learned from two weeks at the gym

So with a few totally minor and acceptable relapses (a rum+ginger beer and a glass or two of vino), I’ve almost reached the end of Dry January.

You might remember just how grotty I was feeling just after Christmas, following my December diet of chocolate, chocolate coins and chocolate cake washed down with any alcoholic beverage in sight. The good news is, I have changed my ways, and have actually been overheard declining offers of chocolatey snacks in favour of healthy salads and easy peel clementines. Continue reading “what i learned from two weeks at the gym”

10 perfect dinner guests

So I’m a big fan of dinner. I love dining out perhaps too much, and just generally have an eternal love affair with food.

I have probably lost a good few days of my life to watching episode after episode of Come Dine With Me (which is complete comedy gold), and it does get me thinking about just who I’d like to have around the dinner table if I was lucky enough to be a contestant. Ever played the perfect dinner guest game? It’s pretty simple. Continue reading “10 perfect dinner guests”

So exciting times are here in the world of my blog. That is of course assuming that you get excited by the world of my blog, which naturally you all do. As I’ve now realised that ‘musings of a madeleine’ is just a little too whimsical and airy fairy, and I am in fact more in likeness to Madeye Moody than I ever could have hoped, I’ve gone over to the lovely, shorter and more friendly domain name at Continue reading “”

why do skinny girls pretend they love pizza?

So I think we can all agree that pizza is a God sent from another world to make us that little bit fatter, and yet that little bit happier.

Kate Moss famously said that nothing tastes as good as skinny feels, and whilst I’ve not felt skinny since I was about 12 years of age, I do reckon she’s probably right, and at least she’s honest about just how restrictive her diet has to be for her to stay skinny.

So there are companies out there on the web at the mo, who make delightful clothing (sweeping statement I know). I follow a whole load of these brands on Instagram, and regularly pine over the pictures of their clothing as modeled on their size six stunners, knowing full well that if I bought most of their stuff, I’d look like a sausage. Now I’m not brand-shaming, ‘cause there are plenty of other guilty parties out there at the moment, but brands such as o-mighty and skinny bitch apparel (a charming name which 100% invites women of all sizes to celebrate their bodies, naaat.) selling teeny weeny crop tops with ‘pizza slut’ on them is just a bit of a joke. Continue reading “why do skinny girls pretend they love pizza?”

#throwbackthursday: what’s wrong with the here and now?

It’s Thursday, and like many slaves to the gram, I just uploaded a picture of me as a baba to Instagram, slapped an ‘earlybird’ filter on it, and shared it with the world with a #tbt hashtag. Isn’t it fucking cute (I look like an egg).

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Throwbacks are very much en vogue; ever since it became oh so easy to share your every whimsical thought with the world on social media, and even categorise that shit with a hashtag (which by the way I never thought would catch on), people everywhere have been sharing their nostalgia for their past selves (but only on a #throwbackthursday, or the occasional #flashbackfriday if they miss the boat). Continue reading “#throwbackthursday: what’s wrong with the here and now?”

send help: i have no common sense

I’ve always been told I’m a pretty clever person. From a young age I had my head in a book (mainly Harry Potter) and there was actually a point (before my degree) when I considered getting a B as a failure. Yeah, I was that guy.

However, it has occurred to me as I approach my mid-twenties with caution that book smarts may not be all they’re cracked up to be. Perhaps I am an anomaly, but it would seem that being academically clever puts you just out of reach of common sense. I mean, I could hold a conversation about the structure of Milton’s Paradise Lost, but chances are I couldn’t give you a hand with navigating a washing machine. I’m the kind of person that walks into lamp posts on a regular basis. Continue reading “send help: i have no common sense”